Parenting Is More Than Saying "Yes" (Why Failure Is Essential To Growing Up)

My daughter is 7 years old. She has responsibilities and chores. There are things expected of her. Nothing is just given to her, she has to earn anything she gets. She does her chores, she helps out around the house, she works hard at school, and she enjoys spending time with her friends.

Now, I imagine a lot of people will say "yeah? and?" because you would think that most kids would get that kind of treatment. But the hard truth is that kids (for the most part) are being given everything they have with no effort put forth. There is no incentive to be a good person and to help your family and friends, because no matter what, you're going to get that Nintendo DS (or whatever).

How is a child supposed to learn to accept that some things are not free, and that failing at parts of life is just part of life? Children can no longer be held back in elementary school, no matter how poorly they score. There are "participation" ribbons for all participants of children's games, no more winning or losing. That is ok, in theory. But at the same time, these kids are going to grow up thinking that they will never lose anything, they will always get exactly what they want, and they never need to work for anything because it will just be given to them.

You don't really want a kid like this, do you???

My fellow parents, your children do not control you. They are children, they need to learn the truth about the world, and how to live in it. They need YOUR help to succeed and to learn how to cope with failure and mistakes. Children NEED your guidance and your support, not for you to just give them everything. They are the future, and they need you to teach them everything that they need to learn about life.

No matter who you are, or how you parent, it is up to you to mould your child into the productive member of society he or she will become. It is up to you to ensure that they know how to take care of their belongings, and how to treat other people (child and adult alike). It is up to you to emulate the behaviours that you want them to embody.

There is no bad time to start helping your child, whether newborn or teenager. There is no bad time to start teaching them that life can be hard, and frustrating, and sometimes it's downright depressing. But there's also no bad time to show them how beautiful and amazing life can truly be.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs out there, but it is a job that cannot be ignored or pushed aside. We all have to work together to help our children become the adults they deserve to be.

Sorry if this rant or rambling offended anyone, but I'm so tired of seeing spoiled children who treat their parents like dirt and scream like pigs if they don't get what they want. Children should NEVER get everything they want, they will never appreciate it.

Now, don't take this to mean that my daughter doesn't get things that she want. She certainly does. She gets Christmas gifts, and birthday gifts. There are also times that my family or WonderWife's family will just buy her something just for the sake of it. But she also has to be respectful, and courteous. She isn't a little Stepford Wife in training, but she can darn right use her please's and thank you's when asking questions.



Not what I want for my daughter



She also earns a bit of an allowance, that recently allowed her to buy about 10 shirts and 4 skirts. Clothing that she wanted and bought with her own hard earned cash. Next, I believe she is saving up to buy herself a Nintendo DS. Goals and hard work are something that I believe in, and she deserves to feel the satisfaction of acheiving them.

So what it comes down to is... be a parent to your children, and they will learn and grow with you. Be a pushover and give them everything they want no matter what, they will walk all over you and be a boon on society. Harsh words, maybe. But true.

That's the way I see it.

Valentine's Day Feminism Rant

I'm feeling feminist-y. Like taking on the struggles of women across the globe on my shoulders. Then I think about it, and realize that there is no easy way to fix the inequality that is around us all.

Women and girls are dehumanized in the media, shamed in fashion and clothing, and told that the entirety of our worth and value rests in how we look at the "peak" of our beauty.

Seriously? Just because we have ovaries and a uterus, can create (with help) and carry life in our bodies, then sustain them for the first year (and change) of their lives with no external help (other than our own food)? 

Thank you Google Search for these fine images













Ladies, girls, women, females, femmes, whatever you want to call yourselves, there is no reason to allow people to treat you like a second, less important species. Whether you were born female or live as one, you are just as important as the rest of the human race. There is nothing wrong with being emotional, having feelings, or anything else that some people consider "weakness".

Likewise, there is nothing wrong with males, men, boys, or gentlemen to express their own feelings, to cry, to express. Because experiencing and accepting your emotions is one of the hardest things in the world to do.

I have to admit, I am 100% thankful that I live in a country that allows women the freedom to vote, wear pants, express their opinions, and generally have most of the freedoms that our "dangly parted" counter-sex enjoys. However, we are still a far cry from equal.

Now, I am going to say that equal does not mean the same, and neither does fairly. I don't think that anyone, female or male, should be treated as completely the same, because we are not the same. But I do think that all people, male/female/trans, deserve to be treated as equal in their own differences.

My two cents for today, Valentine's Day, is that everyone should be loved for who they are, in the exact shape/size/style/quirkiness that they are. Love yourself, because you are worth it. Be yourself, everyone else is taken(Oscar Wilde).

Why Is Shopping For Girls Clothing Getting So...

Shopping for little girls is becoming increasingly challenging for anyone with taste and morals who doesn't want to end up raising a Prosti-Tot. It seems like pigeon-holing children is getting more and more severe every month/week/day/hour, and there's nothing tasteful left. How sad is that?

Not the look I'm going for

My daughter is 7 years old. She was the shortest in her class for a long time (thanks to a certain sperm-donor who shall remain soul-less...) but she has caught up and even surpasses many of her fellow 7-year-old compadrés. Mostly in the legs. She's got long legs, and that is a great thing, because she puts me to shame in the running department. (I blame my asthma, but really I'm just exceptionally lazy and out of shape).

Her Amazonian legs also make it bloody impossible to find shorts that don't make her look like a Hooters waitress in training. Maybe it's because I have thick thighs (not hating on them, I loves my curves), but shorts never looked so... short on me. Until now, when the shorts they have out make my thick thighs look like I'm going for a Wonder Woman look.


Not that she doesn't look great...
















So instead of buying her shorts, with the exception of Bermuda shorts, I'm going to be practicing my useful (yet non-existant) homemaking skills by turning her pants that are too small (but only in the legs... remember, all her growth has been in her legs, not her hips) and turning them into "just above the knee" shorts. Much better. Maybe I'll get fancy and they'll end up with hems, maybe not. We'll see how courageous I get.




Seriously, she's going to end
up withlegs like this if
she keeps growing the
way she is...



Then there's the shirt debacle which has been fairly widespread across various types of media, from blogs, to newssites, to bloggy newssites, and beyond. It's shirts like this one that make me a little stabby in the brain, and also make me wonder WTF the designers are thinking. Then I remember that most of them are men (at last check, on average 90-95% of designers are, though I don't have a source for that ATM) and are clearly misogynistic (definition: effing stupid) and think that us ladies are stupid and good for nothing but looking pretty.



They forgot make-up and clothing!
















Everyone knows that girls don't need to be smart or unique or funny or even logical, they're just there for looking pretty right? That's why the size 6x for girls is too small for my daughter, but the boys 6 (note: smaller than 6x) fits her perfectly? Retailers: starting size complexes in children earlier than ever!

My daughter is a girl. She is even a girly-girl. She loves to dress up, and over-do it. She loves putting on those tacky plastic dress-up shoes, and she loves to throw a tiara on top of her head. She loves all things that are frilly and lacy and flowy and pouffy.

You think I'm exaggerating?
Yes that's a fluffy pink boa,
she used to have one,
she wore it out...

But that's not all. She also loves dirt, and frogs, and worms. She loves animals and plants. She loves to learn about the seasons and the stars. She loves music and dancing and singing. Art and painting and making the biggest mess possible just to see how far it will go.

Even more than that, she loves trucks, and comic books, and super heroes. And not those lame girl super heros that are really just eye-candy (you know the ones I mean.) but Wonder Woman, and Iron Man, and Thor, and Spider-Man and all of the Autobots (especially Bumblebee).

So why are a huge majority of the clothes being sold and marketed to her more appropriate for a teenager and up? I just don't understand. She's a kid, kids play in dirt, get messy, run around like tasmanian devils, and grow. Why on earth would I put her in clothing that wouldn't allow her that freedom, or that send the message that she is just a pretty face? She is very beautiful, I know this and have been told by many people. But that's not ALL she is. She's smart, caring, sweet, thoughtful, and sometimes downright ridiculously obnoxious just for the sake of making me tear my hair out. So why the focus on looks?

Why don't we focus on just letting them be kids? Why can't the kids section be amalgamated into one section, so that little girls can buy Iron Man t-shirts and little boys can buy shirts with cupcakes on them without feeling like the Anti-Christ? Because there is nothing more intimidating for a kid than "crossing the pink/blue line" even if it is to find things that they like better.

Shopping for girls, whether for children or for fully grown ladies (and also classy gals like me) is depressing, frustrating, and limiting.

That's all for now.