The difference a good neighbourhood makes

As I've stated before, WonderWife, Lil Munch and I have recently moved. Only about four blocks away from our old place, and into a different neighbourhood.

Can I just say, there are kids playing outside, mildly supervised, every single night? I have let the Lil Munch go out and play, without me being there watching, 2 nights in a row now.

I am not worried about her getting hit by a car, the open area and play structure are both surrounded by houses. I am not worried about anything happening because there are enough kids playing that they are their own security network.

I would never have let her do this in the old neighbourhood. No chance.

But here? Here she can explore, and thrive, and grow... With no worries.

It is fantastic.


Peace, love, and Serenity

Temper Tantrums Need More Than A Band-Aid Solution

If you are the parent of a toddler, pre-schooler, kindergartener, or even school-aged (6-12) child who often has trouble expressing themselves and their emotions, you are likely on the receiving end of multiple temper tantrums.

Despite being associated with the "terrible twos", temper tantrums affect children and adults of all ages and upbringings. There comes a time when a person, regardless of age, just cannot deal with the feelings and emotions and frustrations that they are experiencing.

For young children, often it seems like you are constantly disciplining the child for having these tantrums. However, discipline is really just a band-aid solution on a much deeper problem. The problem roots, often, in the fact that the language skills and the understanding skills are not at the same level as the complexity of the emotions.

This means that often, all a child who has trouble with tantrums needs is a little bit of compassion and patience. If you notice that your three-year-old often has break-downs when it comes to grocery shopping, maybe the source of the issue isn't that he's a poorly behaved child, maybe the child is just bored and wants something to do. Or maybe he is hungry and cranky.

Taking a little bit of time before each new activity when your child is younger (under 5-6) to explain that something is going to change, give them a transition time (example: "John, we are going to put away the crayons in ten minutes and then we will be getting ready for bed") and then keep to the time you provided, can make all the difference in how your child reacts to the change.

If the tantrums are caused by hunger or boredom, there are many easy ways to avoid them even in public places. Carry a few purse/bag safe snacks with you everywhere, and a few portable activities that will keep them occupied if boredom strikes.

Does this seem like catering to the child's whims to you? Maybe it does, but that is because of the way you were brought up. There is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with providing something to meet your child's physical and emotional needs in any place necessary. That isn't catering, that's parenting. That is slowly teaching methods of coping with less than ideals circumstances. And that is the best thing you can do for yourself and for your child.

Parenting is all about doing the best you can with what you have, so give yourself the best tools and set everyone in the family up for success. You deserve it.

Seemingly Small Struggles Spread and Scorch

I've been having a rough time lately, but really it has been building up for a while.

I love my daughter dearly, my Lil Munchkin is a super smart, super silly, and just plain incredible little girl. But she's got a lot of problems that I'm feeling overwhelmed about. It's like I'm swimming in a huge lake with undertow that just won't let go, and no safety rafts to help me along.

A lot of parents feel like they can't help anymore, and I have joined their ranks. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying, it just means I need to try harder.

My Lil Munch had a rough few years when she was a toddler, and I didn't realize it until it was too late. Guilt over what happened lead me to buy her everything from age 4 until 7 (and a bit more, sometimes...), and lead me to let go of the little things that didn't really seem important.

I let her get away with a little bit of kleptomania, and now it's gotten worse. She got everything and then some, but has no concept of ownership, or value of belongings. Because WonderWife and I tried so hard to make up for what she missed, we overshot by a long shot. We ignored the signs, we pretended it was just a phase.

But it isn't.

My daughter stole my iPod touch from me while getting a hug, and is not giving it back. She seems to have convinced herself that she has forgotten where it is, but this little girl doesn't forget where she put ANYTHING. Literally, it's kind of insane how well she remembers where she puts everything.

It hurts me so badly that she would do this, but I see why she thinks that it's okay. We let her believe, and we showed her, that things had no real value. Items are just items that can be bought, replaced, thrown away, and bought again.

It started with taking little trinkets for WW's hat (where she keeps all of her pocket stuff), a lighter or a stick of lipbalm. Now it has grown to electronics. Why didn't I accept that this could happen? No sense in looking back, hindsight is 20-20.

This is just an example of how a little parenting oopsie can explode.

This is how kids who are given everything end up spoiled with no respect for items or belongings.

This is what happens when you believe that your child is just purely innocent and would never do anything wrong.

Kids do things wrong, that's how they learn. It is up to us as parents to teach them and guide them so that they can improve and do better. Kids can't know better if we never show them. Children are ever-learning sponges who only know what they want and that they want it, it is up to us as parents to teach them self-control, honesty, values, morals, and relationships.

So don't let the littles things slide, make sure that you catch the mistakes when they're small, because they are so much easier to deal with.

Help your child learn what is right while it's a fresh occurence, not a recurring habit. You will never regret it.

Taboo Topics for Kids (or Touchy Discussions with Lil Munchkin)

So my daughter hit that stage... so to speak... where personal or difficult questions start popping out of her mouth. I made the promise to myself many years ago when she was just a baby that I would always answer her questions honestly.


The main logic behind that is so that she wouldn't end up like me (pregnant at 16, a mother at 17, and no self-confidence to speak of until years later). So far, she seems to be happy with herself, she thinks she's awesome (which she totally is) and she knows that she has the right to make choices about her body. Fantastic.


Then the question comes out:
"What is sex? -nameblank- asked if I wanted to have sex with him and I said no."


Oh dear... where do we start with this one? At 7, she can grasp the concept of togetherness, and I think she pretty well understands relationships of varying degrees. But it's hard to describe sex as an action for a generic couple, because typically the description goes along the lines of: "A man puts his penis is a woman's vagina"


You see how that's a problem, considering that M and I are both women. Still working the kinks out on that one, but I turned it around on her by asking what she thought sex was. Made her think. We'll see what comes up. I also made sure to tell her that sex is a very serious action that can really change the way you see yourself, especially if you do it when you aren't ready.


I impressed on her the importance of feeling comfortable saying no if someone (anyone) is trying to coerce her or pressure her into doing anything that she doesn't want to do. Which she totally got, because let me tell you, this girl won't put on a hat if she doesn't want to. Nevermind some obnoxious kid trying to convince her to take off her clothes *HAH!* (I am very thankful of this, despite the fights we get into about her putting on her clothes for outside....)

Another potentially awkward question started with a conversation going: "What's Hanukkah?" (I'm sorry if I spelled that wrong! Spell check doesn't trigger, and I know there's like 3 different ways to spell it...).

Now, it's hard to describe Hanukkah in a way that she'll understand that it isn't a holiday we celebrate, and why. So I start with "Hanukkah is a holiday in the winter that Jewish people celebrate, just like Christians celebrate Christmas".

Then the potentially awkward one comes up: "Are we Christians?" Crap. I know her daycare is Coptic Orthodox, and she learns all about that end of the religious spectrum. Maybe she is, maybe she isn't, either way... that choice is not mine.

The simple reply? "Well, I'm not Christian, but maybe you are." Whoof. Crisis averted. Cue discussion about the differences in celebrating Christmas and Hanukkah. Which is a pretty easy conversation, thanks to my working knowledge of both celebrations and their roots.




I must admit, despite the difficulty I have in answering some of her specific, personal, or sensitive questions, I am extremely grateful to have a daughter that feels comfortable asking them. She knows that she is always able to come to me for anything, especially questions. She is also incredibly smart and intuitive, which makes it easier to explain things to her and be confident that she understands.


It's important, to me, that she knows the details of all things in life that interest her. We talk about all the taboo subjects, from religion, to money, to sex and intimacy. We talk about them in an age appropriate way that also leaves the conversation open for further details as she ages.


I look forward to more potentially awkward questions and conversations, and I will savour them as an important part of growing up and developing personal autonomy.

(this was originally posted on my previous blog December 2011)

How remembering your youth can make you a more compassionate parent

Your children give you opportunities to remember your young self.


Can you remember when you were a child and one of your parents was upset with you? Can you remember what you wanted your parents to do? Can you hear and see from your child's point of view?

When you are speaking with children, whether they are yours or not, can remind you of yourself as a child. Remembering the silly mistakes you made, or the word fumbles, or even the blatant disregard for rules.

Kids may not always actually understand rules. If instituting rules just to create conformity is your goal, then instill fear. But if you want the children around you to grow mature, knowledgeable, and compassionate, then you have to be ready to explain.

Explanations – Why they’re good

By explaining that something is about to change, you give the child the chance to ask questions. You also inform them before they are reprimanded, and give them an opportunity to test limits and learn.

Let’s say you are trying to instill a solid bedtime in a child who would just go to bed whenever they were tired. Chances are, if you hadn’t already set up a solid bedtime, that you are doing so because they will be starting school or daycare.

Beginning a new routine is hard enough for a child so make it easier on him or her and explain. Give them advance notice that they will be changing their routine, and start making little changes at least a month ahead of time.

If it’s a regular bedtime due to school, explain to them that they will be going to school. Let them know what school is, and help them get excited about it. Start by waking them up earlier each day, but don’t just throw an alarm clock in and yell at them to wake up. Would you want to be woken up like that? Consider the child as a smaller version of you, how would you like to be awakened?

Then, once they are being woken up earlier, closer to the time they will be getting up for the new routine, start pushing back the bedtime. Create a positive atmosphere that is conducive to sleep, be it listening to soothing music, reading a book, or discussing the day. Make it something that you can share with your child that they will begin to associate with bedtime.


Parenting means someone else
is following your footsteps

 Remember how you felt as a child

How did you feel as a child when your parents just thrust a new routine or expectation on your with no explanation or forewarning? I bet you were probably pretty upset, angry, let-down, helpless, confused, and maybe even disappointed.

Do you think that your child will feel any different from you if you do the same thing to him/her? I would be inclined to doubt it.

Emotions experienced by people of all ages are not things that change. Children and adults alike can feel sadness, disappointment, and even rage. Remembering how things affected you as a child will make it easier to understand that a child is just a small adult who hasn’t learned all the rules yet. The emotions they experience are still the same, though the child may not have words for them, and they can be just as devastating when disregarded.

Before getting upset with a child for acting against your wishes, remember that they have wishes too. Ask yourself if you took the time to explain the situation to them properly, and that you ensured they actually understood. Many children will just say ‘yes I understand’ to make you get off their backs, but they won’t have a real clue.

Take the time to give your children the things and words that you would have liked to have been given. They may not be innocent, but they are not evil. I would put them at neutral, but as they grow they learn to say and do the things that are emulated by those closest to them. Are you projecting the image of how you want your child to grow up?

Remember being a kid and how it felt, then treat others the way you would expect to be treated. Make the first step, and bask in the results of carrying on.

Peace and happiness.
(This post was reposted from my other blog which is being phased out. Thanks for reading)

Parenting Is More Than Saying "Yes" (Why Failure Is Essential To Growing Up)

My daughter is 7 years old. She has responsibilities and chores. There are things expected of her. Nothing is just given to her, she has to earn anything she gets. She does her chores, she helps out around the house, she works hard at school, and she enjoys spending time with her friends.

Now, I imagine a lot of people will say "yeah? and?" because you would think that most kids would get that kind of treatment. But the hard truth is that kids (for the most part) are being given everything they have with no effort put forth. There is no incentive to be a good person and to help your family and friends, because no matter what, you're going to get that Nintendo DS (or whatever).

How is a child supposed to learn to accept that some things are not free, and that failing at parts of life is just part of life? Children can no longer be held back in elementary school, no matter how poorly they score. There are "participation" ribbons for all participants of children's games, no more winning or losing. That is ok, in theory. But at the same time, these kids are going to grow up thinking that they will never lose anything, they will always get exactly what they want, and they never need to work for anything because it will just be given to them.

You don't really want a kid like this, do you???

My fellow parents, your children do not control you. They are children, they need to learn the truth about the world, and how to live in it. They need YOUR help to succeed and to learn how to cope with failure and mistakes. Children NEED your guidance and your support, not for you to just give them everything. They are the future, and they need you to teach them everything that they need to learn about life.

No matter who you are, or how you parent, it is up to you to mould your child into the productive member of society he or she will become. It is up to you to ensure that they know how to take care of their belongings, and how to treat other people (child and adult alike). It is up to you to emulate the behaviours that you want them to embody.

There is no bad time to start helping your child, whether newborn or teenager. There is no bad time to start teaching them that life can be hard, and frustrating, and sometimes it's downright depressing. But there's also no bad time to show them how beautiful and amazing life can truly be.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs out there, but it is a job that cannot be ignored or pushed aside. We all have to work together to help our children become the adults they deserve to be.

Sorry if this rant or rambling offended anyone, but I'm so tired of seeing spoiled children who treat their parents like dirt and scream like pigs if they don't get what they want. Children should NEVER get everything they want, they will never appreciate it.

Now, don't take this to mean that my daughter doesn't get things that she want. She certainly does. She gets Christmas gifts, and birthday gifts. There are also times that my family or WonderWife's family will just buy her something just for the sake of it. But she also has to be respectful, and courteous. She isn't a little Stepford Wife in training, but she can darn right use her please's and thank you's when asking questions.



Not what I want for my daughter



She also earns a bit of an allowance, that recently allowed her to buy about 10 shirts and 4 skirts. Clothing that she wanted and bought with her own hard earned cash. Next, I believe she is saving up to buy herself a Nintendo DS. Goals and hard work are something that I believe in, and she deserves to feel the satisfaction of acheiving them.

So what it comes down to is... be a parent to your children, and they will learn and grow with you. Be a pushover and give them everything they want no matter what, they will walk all over you and be a boon on society. Harsh words, maybe. But true.

That's the way I see it.

My Awesome Introduction

My name is Laura, and I love to learn about pretty much everything. My current interests including: Saving the environment, saving money, being peaceful and relaxed, being healthy, and building a loving and compassionate family.

About the Planet

I love all things green and environmental, and have heard about some pretty extreme (to some people) ideas and didn't cringe. There are all types of people and interests, not to mention comfort levels. I do not judge others who have made educated decisions for themselves.

About money

Regarding money and finances, I am always open and honest about where I am in life, and I have no shame about it. Everyone has and uses money, a lot of people are in debt or owing, and everyone deserves the chance to discuss their situation to see if someone else might have some insight. In light of this, I will be completely open and honest regarding all of my money saving / debt repayment endeavours in the hopes that someone will learn something that will make their life a little bit easier.

About peace and relaxation

Stress is one of the number one life-killers out there. Whether it actually causes the end of a life, or just the semblance of it, is completely individual. However, releasing stress and letting go are the easiest ways to feel better about yourself, your life, and what you can do with yourself.

My favourite way to release stress is through deep, healing breathing, as well as the practice of yoga. Personally, I very much enjoy Hatha yoga, but am always willing to expand into new variations and styles. Any type of physical exercise will help relieve the sensation of stress, as long as you enjoy doing it.

About health

Healthy living and practices help provide the energy (both physical and spiritual) to go on with your daily life. Despite the fact that I thoroughly love my bready carbs, I know that there is significantly more importance in fresh fruits and vegetables.

It's also important to note the importance of certain types of "diet" for people with different needs. There are some people who thrive on vegetarian/vegan diets, and others who thrive on paleolithic diets. There are important aspects to each of these main diets, and many others (including the Mediterranean and European diets) that it is important to remember that what your specific dietary needs are will be invariably different from mine, or anyone elses.

About compassionate and peaceful parenting

I have a 7 year old daughter, and a 25 year old wife. I am 25 years old myself. My family is mostly comprised of care and compassion, and occasionally we butt heads. It's important to remember that whether you are speaking to children, or to other adults, we all like to be treated fairly, with respect, and with compassion.

It is impossible to know, without asking, whether my daughter has had a bad day at school/daycare and how it affected her, just as it is impossible to know, without asking, if my wife had some harsh words spewed at her at work. The things we don't know can make a huge difference, and it is important to have a peaceful demeanor and outlook to be able to tackle these daily upsets and make them into positive, or at least learning, moments.

That being said, the above mentioned subjects are just a few of the main topics I will be sharing. I hope that this page is a source of inspiration or positivity in your life, and I believe that open questions from any interested party will help provide with more in-depth discussion on any topic.

Send me a note or an email if you would like to ask anything, or if you have any suggestions, using the Contact Me tab at the top of this page.

Peace and contentment to you all,

Laura