Guest Post: Fighting Depression While Raising Troubled Teens

Today, I have the great honour of sharing with you a guest post by Agnes Jiminez. This subject is dear to me, particularly as I know what it is like to be the troubled teen, as well as knowing that in a few short years, I will be in this situation myself, raising a teen while fighting my own mental illness.

These tips and reminders are great, and deeply true, and it is important to be honest with yourself about your own limitations when sorting through your own personal issues.

With no furhter ado, please read this insightful and well-written piece. Share your thoughts below, join the conversation, make mental illness a subject that is no longer taboo. Thanks. Peace, love, and fight for your self.

Parents suffering from depression are likely to experience difficulty -- especially once the children are able to understand the disorder and witness the changes in moods in their parent. Despite the fact that a parent is suffering from depression, guidance and discipline still must take place.

What are some of the coping techniques that parents suffering from depression can use when it comes to parenting teenagers?

Level with the Teen

Communicating with the teen and explaining to them the illness and symptoms that come along with depression can help the teen to understand what the parent is going through and hopefully increasing the empathy the teen has for the parent. Allowing the teen to ask questions and explaining how the disease can affect the lifestyle of the parent, the relationship between the parent and teen and how the parent is feeling is likely to give the teen a sense of relief. Make sure the teen understands that the depression is not their fault -- and is not exacerbated by the teen.

Cut Yourself some Slack

Parents often try to do too much. Parents suffering from depression are likely to feel overwhelmed -- more than parents not suffering from the disease. It's important to understand that there are going to be times when you aren't going to be able to get everything you want to accomplished -- and that's okay. Cut yourself some slack.

Get the Help You Need

It's okay for parents to suffer from depression. What's not okay is parents suffering from depression without getting the treatment options that are available to them. Whether you decide to go through talk therapy and learn the coping skills that can be used to avert the depression or choose medication that can help to balance the hormones and lessen the symptoms of depression, it's important to take the time for you and get the help that is needed to overcome the disease.

Take Time Away

Sometimes, part of the treatment plan requires the parent to step away. Stepping away from the situation and taking time for yourself to heal from the depression and learn the skills to overcome the

disease isn't easy but with the help from family members and friends and lifestyle changes like alternative school options, you can take the time that is needed.

Making short term changes to the lifestyle and understanding that depression is something that can occur quickly and leave you requiring a bit of extra help can help families suffering from depression to heal faster, and heal together.

Agnes Jimenez is a professional blogger and writer. She writes for many online establishments and currently partners with HelpYourTeenNow.com in spreading awareness about troubled and depressed teenagers (and how to deal with them).  Help Your Teen Now aims to increase awareness on the current psychological and societal stresses of today's teens and how these factors affect the future of our society.

Changes lead to stress

Hey guys, nice to see you here! Just thought I would drop a quick note about what is going on with my world lately, which is challenging but not necessarily negative.

As of February 1st, we are going to have roommates again. WonderWife's uncle and his parter will be living with us until further notice. I haven't received info on when they plan to get out on their own again, but I know that this arrangement is to help us all financially.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this, most of which I have already discussed with everyone and their dog, but they are still there. Our house is pretty big for the three of us who already live there (me, WW, and the Munchkin) but to add two fully grown guys to that living sitruation, I am definitely concerned that it is going to be squishy. Maybe I'm overexaggerating, but the concern remains. We have taken steps to avoid this as much as possible by having the guys take over half of the basement as their bedroom/living area, which will help keep us separated more, and ensure that we have our own separate "personal spaces" which I think will help a lot.

Our fridge is tiny. When I say tiny, I mean that we can't fit all of the produce that we eat in a week into the produce drawers in our fridge because they are TINY. Which means that we will likely need to buy a second fridge, which further contributes to the space concern. I'm sure we will find a good spot for it, but until we do, these thoughts plague me.

A lot of the concerns and anxieties I have about this huge change will probably resolve themselves after they move in and we figure out our routine and how we all fit together. I know this, and I am trying to relax and accept that things are going to change, but that it doesn't necessarily mean that they will change for the worse.

If you're anyone in my family reading this, especially if you are one of the people involved, don't take this as a "I don't want you to live with us" post. Because that isn't what it is. It's just a ramble about my insecurities and my anxieties relating to the fact that I don't like change, I don't like things changing, and I don't like losing space that is mine (even if it's just in my head). These are my own personal issues, and they shouldn't affect you because I do love you and I do enjoy spending time with you. I know we will figure everything out, I just worry in the interim.

Anyone else out there, do you have ideas for how to make coexistance with your family easier for someone with my magnitude of issue? I would appreciate any insight.

As always,

Peace, love, and love life.

Musings: The illusion of sanity

Illusions exist all around us. Creating images and giving impressions of normalcy and control.

These illusions tell us when someone is weird, or different, somehow unworthy of our attentions.

Everyone comes with illusions, and defeating them to move forward is something that many will never accomplish.

Sanity, just like insanity, is an illusion. Whether you are diagnosed with a mental illness or not, some people will think you sane, others will think you insane. In the grand scheme of the world, though, it doesn't matter.

By many circles, both societal and medical, I am considered insane or mentally unwell. Yet I function. I carry on a life, generally productively, despite this status.

Sanity is just a word, it describes variations without ever really laying a baseline.

Are those who suffer from mental illness really insane, or is their perspective on reality just different? And with the predominance of diagnosed and undiagnosed mental states, is "sanity" really the norm?


Peace, love, and imagine.

Psychiatry Update #2: A Month and a half later...

As you may recall if you're a regular reader (if not, click here and here for the first two parts of this story), I have been on Seroquel XR since November 21, 2012. I am here to update you all, if you care, on how that's been going.

Part one: I didn't increase my dosage (like the psychiatrist told me to)

When I went to see the psychiatrist, and he gave me the prescription, he told me to start at 50mg, then the next day to 100mg, then to 150mg until I spoke to my doctor (which was supposed to be about 3-4 weeks later).

I didn't do this. I stayed at 50mg. I don't recommend it to people who are incredibly in-tune with their bodies, but it's what I did and I don't regret it. (sidenote: I did increase it to 100mg from December 23-27th, due to that time of year always being very high on the anxiety and depression scale. Then I decreased back to 50mg again afterwards.)

Part two: I'm still not going to increase my dosage

I just went for the follow up with my doctor on Monday January 16, 2013. He asked me how everything was going, and I told him the truth. I told him I didn't increase my dosage, and he seemed surprised. He then told me that the psychiatrist, in the report, had recommended bumping me up to 300mg, and possibly adding an antidepressant.

Dear jesus.

I told him that I was fine. I still get mood swings, and anxiety, and manic, and depressed. But it doesn't stop me from having a life, and I don't feel exhausted from the sheer effort of appearing normal. After assessing where I was, he told me that as long as I was happy, he was happy. He is not the type of doctor to load his patients up on as many pharmaceuticals as possible. The less, the better. So he wrote me a prescription, told me if I felt the need to bump up my dosage at all to do it right away and then call him and make an appointment.

Told him I would. And I will, if it comes to that.

Part three: Emotionally

Emotionally I still feel pretty up and down most of the time, but I remember what I say now, and I don't get as intense. When I'm manic, I can recognize that my thinking is irrational and I can think my way around it. Often, just telling WonderWife that I know I'm manic will help me to bring it down a notch.

Anxiety-wise, I am doing great. I've been able to drive without freaking out, and go to the mall. I can walk around downtown for my full lunch break without having a cloud of butterflies try to force their way out of my stomach.

Overall, I'm feeling pretty great. My emotions are easier to understand and less severe. I don't blank out for hours or days at a time. I have more energy and I can do more with my time.

And... I'm anything but a zombie.

As always,
Peace, love, and GO CRAZY!

Psychiatry Update #1

Comfortably one day short of being on the road trip through the world of psychiatry, I feel compelled to update as to my progress. I had many fears, worries, neuroses, etc on beginning the life-long trip through the medicated mental illness world.

I am glad to say that I feel pretty fantastic on the whole.

Despite being rather frustrated at the psychatrist who, basically, tried to rediagnose me after a 20 minute appointment, I got a prescription for Seroquel XR.

Seroquel XR is basically a magic pill that helps people with issues ranging from sleep issues and anxieties (lower doses), borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder (medium doses), all the way up to paranoid schizophrenia (high doses).

Initially told to take 50mg for 2 days, then bump it up to 150mg on the third day, I (obviously) ignored that and have been taking just 50mg daily.

What a freaking difference. Honestly.

I still feel the mood shifting, and I get frustrated and anxious, but it's not overwhelming anymore. I've been sleeping so much better, and deeper. My ability to pay attention throughout the day and even take on new tasks has drastically improved.

Even the WonderWife has said that I'm not a zombie anymore. She also says it's kind of like dealing with a child with ADD... but at least there's responsiveness!

I've been told that it takes about 4-6 weeks for the drug to really stabilize in my system, but so far I am very pleased with the results. Not to mention that it's now significantly easier for me to actually go to sleep at a relatively normal hour.

I have gained a bit of weight, but that had started before, and that just means I need to take a closer look at the foods and drinks I'm putting into my body, and the energy I am expending.

Thanks for following me on this journey, and as always:

Peace, love, and tranquility (for once)

Roadtripping into Psychiatry

Today is a milestone of a day for me, and I'm not entirely sure how it's going to go.

I'm also a little afraid. But that might just be my anxiety speaking. Fear of the unknown, the stigmatized, the "different"

Not that I'm afraid of different when it comes to other people, but it's hard for me to grasp about myself sometimes.

So when it became clear to me that my mental illness had been progressively getting worse, and that the level of my exhaustion at... not hiding, but... camouflaging.. the severity of most of my symptoms from the general public. (Mainly due to my preference of not being looked at as the crazy lady downtown, and other weird things... most of which may just be personal hang-ups, I admit.) That meant it was time to maybe try something new (to me).

Which, in my case, involves medication, since I've tried basically every single other thing out there.

Here's what I currently do:

-biweekly therapy to work on my anxiety and interpersonal issues (stemming from the anxiety and personality disorders)
-vitamin D consumption in the colder months where the sun doesn't help me make it anymore
-drinking enough water
-maintaining a fairly consistent sleep schedule
-tracking my mood on the spectrum on a daily basis (thank god for technology!)
-writing
-art
-general creative stuff

And some of the things I've tried, or that I do intermittently (AKA when I remember or feel like it):

-eating healthy all the time (it's about 70/30 ratio)
-not drinking coffee (that's just not going to happen)
-taking omega-3 supplements
-taking all sorts of damn supplements
-lots of other random crap that I can't think of right now

It's not that nothing I do works, it's that it doesn't work enough.

And you know what? That's okay! It's not a bad thing, it just is.

So today, I go to the outpatient psychiatry unit of the Queensway Carleton Hospital for an assessment, and then they will figure out what sorts of medication to put me on. Which begins the trial-and-error that goes along with any type of medication for a chronic illness. So bear with me.

Thanks for following my on my journey through my life.

Peace, love, and stay awesome!

On a downer

Some days are better than others, that much applies to pretty much everyone.

Some days I feel like everything is wrong or off and nothing is the way it should be.

I can't talk to anyone about what I feel, some would say I'm exaggerating, others would fear for me and my sanity, others still would think me melodramatic, or whatever.

It isn't that easy, its not so cut and dry. Triggering mood swings happens, but when it does, the mood goes fucking nuts. No in between, no maybe its only halfway.

All the damn way.

Like now. I am struggling to even go to work in the morning. I force myself to go no matter how much I just want to lay in bed and wait for the day to be over.

I don't want to get dressed and look presentable. I don't want to pretend I give two flying fucks about my boss or her stories. I don't want to smile when I feel dead inside.

But I do. I force myself to. Because no matter how shitty or dead I feel inside, I know that it will pass, eventually. It's just a matter of waiting.

The optimism is fading, it is starting to feel like I will never know what it is to not being the midst of a mood swing. What it feels like to not be stuck between wanting to scream and yell, and wanting to cry, out of sheer irritation and frustration.

When does it stop? When does the even keel show up?

I'm waiting.

Hoping.

Blindly groping for some tiny shred of sanity. Exhausted.

Please, just stop. Please, find the middle. Let me know what sanity feels like, however momentarily. Let me clutch it tightly and remember it so that I have something to remember, to hold onto.

Don't leave me floating aimlessly. It just hurts with no pain.

Happy Wednesday.

Be Yourself and Chase Your Dreams

All good things come to those who wait. But I don't want to wait anymore. It's time to pursue the things that I want, and stop letting others dictate when I'm going to get them. Going after the important things in life is something that just has to be done, otherwise I am but a petal in an overwhelming current.

The things I want include:
- writing for a living, even if only part-time for now
- publishing a novel or collection of short stories
- moving into a house that I own (aka mortgage...)
- my family being happy and moving forwards

Emotional stability has never been my strong point, but that isn't my fault. Why should I let that dictate how successful I can be? Many people with emotional instabilities have gone on to lead happy, healthy, productive lives. Playing the victim only leaves you in the dust behind the rest of the world.

To get the things that I want, I need to accept the way that I am and stop trying to change into what other people think I should be, or what I think I should be. I am what I am, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Using my unstable moods to benefit my goals is entirely possible. It also gives me something to acheive beyond the normal goals in life. I may not ever be consistent or stable, but maybe there's a reason for that. Maybe I'm not meant to be stable, not meant to be like everyone else. I'm meant to be the way that I am, so why should I keep trying to fight that?

No more fighting, no more denying myself. If I want to be happy and accept myself, I need to start today. I am perfect the way that I am.

Just like each and every other person out there, I am made the way I am. Don't try to force yourself to fit into someone else's mould, it won't work. Each and every person is made different, and that's okay.

Be yourself, accept yourself, and be kind to yourself. Every day is a struggle, don't fight yourself when the world is already against you. Turn around and fight back.

Swinging Downwards Into... Who Knows

My brain has been stuck on go for the past 2 weeks. I have been doing a fair bit of writing for The Golden Vanguard, and some creative writing on Helium. Not much here, apologies.

I have my next psych appointment tomorrow, and my mood just crashed about an hour ago. I guess I should have seen it coming, since it had been perched precariously the past 2-3 days, and it had been over 2 weeks that I'd been running on mania.

Oh the joys of bipolar disorder. I am currently avoiding medication for reasons of fear of side effects and dependence. However, I am starting to lean towards considering them, because I am just completely unreliable for anything that involves the slightest bit of responsibility.

My daughter deserves someone more stable. My wife deserves someone more stable. My family is probably used to be, but they'd probably appreciate some reliability coming from me. Maybe it's just the swing talking, but I'm feeling pretty shitty in general right now.

Oddly enough, I believe this is one of the few times that I've noticed a trigger to the downwards swing. Right before I (virtually) crashed, I felt an unusual amount of anxiety and needed to fidget. There were no triggers, no immediate or obvious causes to my anxiety. Yet there it was, nagging at me.

I wonder if it's always like that, or just this time? I wonder if this swing will last two hours, two days, two weeks? I wonder if I will tune out of everything around me, or just mope around? I wonder if my daughter will feel ignored because I have no will to acheive or even reach.

I just wonder where I'm going this time.

Editor's note: Thankfully this spell only lasted 5 hours. It is extremely frustrating to experienced illogical mood changes that quickly. It's also very frustrating to have people that you think you can rely on try to tell you that it's all in your head.

If it was all in my head, I would be able to control it. I would be able to focus it, or not worry about stupid little things. I would be able to relax even if my closet isn't organized *properly* and I would be able to pull a real smile out of my ass when I'm sad as shit.

Sorry for the language, but it's officially Mental Health Awareness Month, and compassion is something that is absolutely essential for anyone who suffers from any type of mental illness. It is a real affliction that affects between 20-35% of the WORLD's population. Thanks for reading.

Break Down The Mental Illness Barriers

Mental illness is very common, more common than most people realize. The person you sit next to on the bus might have an anxiety disorder. Your boss might have narcissism and delusions of grandeur. Your best friend might have post traumatic stress disorder. Your mother may have depression, and your aunt might have body dismorphic disorder.

You just never know what anyone around you is dealing with at any given time, because chances are they are trying to deal with it on their own. Enough of that. Dealing with mental illness alone is a hard, lonely, suffering lifestyle. I will be the first one to say that it is challenging enough dealing with day-to-day life and the twists and turns that it deals to you. But throw a mental disorder or illness on top of that, and you have the recipe for daily pain, seemingly endless despair, and the worst self-criticism since the dawn of humanity.

If you suffer (or think you suffer) from a mental illness of any variety, don't hide it. Embrace it, and share it. Because a burden shared, is a burden eased.

Maybe you think "pfft, what does this lady know, she's just some crazy eccentric lady on the internet". To which I reply:

First of all, I'm no lady, I am crass, rude, and downright blue-collar at times. But I have a knack for telling it like it is, and that's what I'm doing right now.

Secondly, I have a mental illness. I know what it's like to feel like there's no end, no hope. I have felt that heart wrenching, stomach turning, sweaty palmed anxiety. My mind has slowed down to a point of near-catatonia from absolute depression. I know what the compulsion of illogic feels like, and I have experienced the frustrating irritation and absolute energy of mania.

But this isn't about me. This is about the rest of you with mental illness. Talk about it. Don't hide it, it's just not worth the turmoil. People know there's something up, there's not really any purpose in hiding it except to stew in your own misery.

Believe me, I know it's hard! I've been there! I've mastered the "happy face" because for years I was told to 'fake it until you make it' which never actually happened. I never 'made it', I just hid it really well. Misery was all I knew, and sometimes it can still feel that way.

Unfortunately, despite the fact that 1 in 5 people suffers from some form of mental illness, and 10.4% of people suffer from some level of substance abuse, there is still a stigma about mental health. It is so predominant that 20% of people suffer from it, and yet there is a feeling of taboo about the subject.

With taboo and stigma, comes judgement. The judgement says that if you suffer, you didn't try hard enough. It says if you just tried this or that, your problem would go away.



Not your mugshot



It isn't that easy. Maybe some people can willpower their way out of a funk, or eat cashews to make their anxiety go away. But most people? Most people need help, they need someone to talk to, to let them know that they aren't aliens in human form.

 No matter what you are going through at any given point, you are not alone. You do have friends and family that love you, and if you don't feel like you can talk to them, there is always a therapist or a family doctor who will hear you out.

Share the thoughts, the pain, the truth. Share it so that others know they aren't alone, and you will realize how absolutely full of awesome you totally are.

Create your own reality where perfection is exactly how you are. Because you are perfectly you, and don't try to change it.