January 2013 Resolution Update!

About a month ago, I posted my 2013 goals and resolutions. If you don't want to click through and read the whole post again, here is what I posted as my goals:

1. Fit back into a size 8 and be healthy about it.
          a. Work out at least two hours each week
          b. Stop eating so much junk food. Eat fruits and vegetables instead.
2. Pay off the car loan.
          a. Find my cheques
          b. Stay within budget
          c. Track spending and budget
3. Write more
          a. Edit my NaNoWriMo2012 novel to readability and have people read it.
          b. Continue working on the first draft of my other novel
          c. Add new content to this blog and to my Helium.com profile every week.
4. Finish 3 of my university courses
          a. one at a time, starting with Introductory Composition

Sidenote: I was asked to update also on a drawing commitment I had made (to my mom). The update is: I can't find the drawing I had made so far, but when I do I will continue with working on it. I have been practicing the tribal part, and may end up just starting over with the outline that I still have. If you want to see what I've done so far, let me know!

So, to update, continue reading:

1. Fit back into a size 8 and be healthy about it.
          a. Work out at least two hours each week

Realistically I've probably only done about an hour each week of real working out. There was a lot going on this month, and I just didn't prioritize it. Now I'm paying for it, as I haven't shrunk at all and I have a wedding to attend this Saturday with nothing to wear.

          b. Stop eating so much junk food. Eat fruits and vegetables instead.

I've done pretty good with this task overall, I feel like I've been eating less junky crap and making a real concerted effort to snack on fresh fruit. I've also increased how much vegetables go on my dinner plate. Now to find a way to add F&V to breakfast...

2. Pay off the car loan.
          a. Find my cheques

Did this! Had to order more, but after I ordered them, I found my old ones. So now I have enough cheques to last me about 20 years...

          b. Stay within budget

Despite January being pretty tight at the beginning (curse you, Christmas!), since both WW and I got 3 paycheques this month, we're WAY ahead. Huzzah!

          c. Track spending and budget

Did this for all of January!

3. Write more
          a. Edit my NaNoWriMo2012 novel to readability and have people read it.

Didn't even touch it. Yes I am shame...

          b. Continue working on the first draft of my other novel

Again, didn't even touch it. I told you it was a rough month!

          c. Add new content to this blog and to my Helium.com profile every week.

Did half of this, I've been updating this blog fairly frequently, so that's exciting! Helium has been neglected this month aside from today, better luck next month! (However, despite barely touching my Helium account [and writing nothing until the last day of the month], I made 1$ in revenue! Woo!)

4. Finish 3 of my university courses
          a. one at a time, starting with Introductory Composition

Working on it, finished Unit 1 and am halfway through the reading for Unit 2. The first assignment for Unit 2 is due Feb 19, so I am on track!

So there you have it! I also made a goal to myself to start making Youtube videos, which I kept secret because I didn't think I'd actually do it, but I have two posted now! If you haven't already, and you want to look at my face click HERE for the first, and HERE for the second!

How has your January gone? Productive? Non-productive? New changes or old habits? Share them here!

Peace, love, and ACHEIVEMENT UNLOCKED!

Guest Post: Fighting Depression While Raising Troubled Teens

Today, I have the great honour of sharing with you a guest post by Agnes Jiminez. This subject is dear to me, particularly as I know what it is like to be the troubled teen, as well as knowing that in a few short years, I will be in this situation myself, raising a teen while fighting my own mental illness.

These tips and reminders are great, and deeply true, and it is important to be honest with yourself about your own limitations when sorting through your own personal issues.

With no furhter ado, please read this insightful and well-written piece. Share your thoughts below, join the conversation, make mental illness a subject that is no longer taboo. Thanks. Peace, love, and fight for your self.

Parents suffering from depression are likely to experience difficulty -- especially once the children are able to understand the disorder and witness the changes in moods in their parent. Despite the fact that a parent is suffering from depression, guidance and discipline still must take place.

What are some of the coping techniques that parents suffering from depression can use when it comes to parenting teenagers?

Level with the Teen

Communicating with the teen and explaining to them the illness and symptoms that come along with depression can help the teen to understand what the parent is going through and hopefully increasing the empathy the teen has for the parent. Allowing the teen to ask questions and explaining how the disease can affect the lifestyle of the parent, the relationship between the parent and teen and how the parent is feeling is likely to give the teen a sense of relief. Make sure the teen understands that the depression is not their fault -- and is not exacerbated by the teen.

Cut Yourself some Slack

Parents often try to do too much. Parents suffering from depression are likely to feel overwhelmed -- more than parents not suffering from the disease. It's important to understand that there are going to be times when you aren't going to be able to get everything you want to accomplished -- and that's okay. Cut yourself some slack.

Get the Help You Need

It's okay for parents to suffer from depression. What's not okay is parents suffering from depression without getting the treatment options that are available to them. Whether you decide to go through talk therapy and learn the coping skills that can be used to avert the depression or choose medication that can help to balance the hormones and lessen the symptoms of depression, it's important to take the time for you and get the help that is needed to overcome the disease.

Take Time Away

Sometimes, part of the treatment plan requires the parent to step away. Stepping away from the situation and taking time for yourself to heal from the depression and learn the skills to overcome the

disease isn't easy but with the help from family members and friends and lifestyle changes like alternative school options, you can take the time that is needed.

Making short term changes to the lifestyle and understanding that depression is something that can occur quickly and leave you requiring a bit of extra help can help families suffering from depression to heal faster, and heal together.

Agnes Jimenez is a professional blogger and writer. She writes for many online establishments and currently partners with HelpYourTeenNow.com in spreading awareness about troubled and depressed teenagers (and how to deal with them).  Help Your Teen Now aims to increase awareness on the current psychological and societal stresses of today's teens and how these factors affect the future of our society.

Changes lead to stress

Hey guys, nice to see you here! Just thought I would drop a quick note about what is going on with my world lately, which is challenging but not necessarily negative.

As of February 1st, we are going to have roommates again. WonderWife's uncle and his parter will be living with us until further notice. I haven't received info on when they plan to get out on their own again, but I know that this arrangement is to help us all financially.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this, most of which I have already discussed with everyone and their dog, but they are still there. Our house is pretty big for the three of us who already live there (me, WW, and the Munchkin) but to add two fully grown guys to that living sitruation, I am definitely concerned that it is going to be squishy. Maybe I'm overexaggerating, but the concern remains. We have taken steps to avoid this as much as possible by having the guys take over half of the basement as their bedroom/living area, which will help keep us separated more, and ensure that we have our own separate "personal spaces" which I think will help a lot.

Our fridge is tiny. When I say tiny, I mean that we can't fit all of the produce that we eat in a week into the produce drawers in our fridge because they are TINY. Which means that we will likely need to buy a second fridge, which further contributes to the space concern. I'm sure we will find a good spot for it, but until we do, these thoughts plague me.

A lot of the concerns and anxieties I have about this huge change will probably resolve themselves after they move in and we figure out our routine and how we all fit together. I know this, and I am trying to relax and accept that things are going to change, but that it doesn't necessarily mean that they will change for the worse.

If you're anyone in my family reading this, especially if you are one of the people involved, don't take this as a "I don't want you to live with us" post. Because that isn't what it is. It's just a ramble about my insecurities and my anxieties relating to the fact that I don't like change, I don't like things changing, and I don't like losing space that is mine (even if it's just in my head). These are my own personal issues, and they shouldn't affect you because I do love you and I do enjoy spending time with you. I know we will figure everything out, I just worry in the interim.

Anyone else out there, do you have ideas for how to make coexistance with your family easier for someone with my magnitude of issue? I would appreciate any insight.

As always,

Peace, love, and love life.

Musings: The illusion of sanity

Illusions exist all around us. Creating images and giving impressions of normalcy and control.

These illusions tell us when someone is weird, or different, somehow unworthy of our attentions.

Everyone comes with illusions, and defeating them to move forward is something that many will never accomplish.

Sanity, just like insanity, is an illusion. Whether you are diagnosed with a mental illness or not, some people will think you sane, others will think you insane. In the grand scheme of the world, though, it doesn't matter.

By many circles, both societal and medical, I am considered insane or mentally unwell. Yet I function. I carry on a life, generally productively, despite this status.

Sanity is just a word, it describes variations without ever really laying a baseline.

Are those who suffer from mental illness really insane, or is their perspective on reality just different? And with the predominance of diagnosed and undiagnosed mental states, is "sanity" really the norm?


Peace, love, and imagine.

Books of 2013!

Coming NOW to my blog, in the sidebar you will find a list of books that I have read so far this year (2013) with links to their Goodreads page. If you're interested in the books, please check them out! I will attempt to review each and every one of them, but I may just resolve to review my favourites.

We'll see.

Peace, love, and read on!

(P.S. Check out the list regularly, it will be updated as necessary)

Psychiatry Update #2: A Month and a half later...

As you may recall if you're a regular reader (if not, click here and here for the first two parts of this story), I have been on Seroquel XR since November 21, 2012. I am here to update you all, if you care, on how that's been going.

Part one: I didn't increase my dosage (like the psychiatrist told me to)

When I went to see the psychiatrist, and he gave me the prescription, he told me to start at 50mg, then the next day to 100mg, then to 150mg until I spoke to my doctor (which was supposed to be about 3-4 weeks later).

I didn't do this. I stayed at 50mg. I don't recommend it to people who are incredibly in-tune with their bodies, but it's what I did and I don't regret it. (sidenote: I did increase it to 100mg from December 23-27th, due to that time of year always being very high on the anxiety and depression scale. Then I decreased back to 50mg again afterwards.)

Part two: I'm still not going to increase my dosage

I just went for the follow up with my doctor on Monday January 16, 2013. He asked me how everything was going, and I told him the truth. I told him I didn't increase my dosage, and he seemed surprised. He then told me that the psychiatrist, in the report, had recommended bumping me up to 300mg, and possibly adding an antidepressant.

Dear jesus.

I told him that I was fine. I still get mood swings, and anxiety, and manic, and depressed. But it doesn't stop me from having a life, and I don't feel exhausted from the sheer effort of appearing normal. After assessing where I was, he told me that as long as I was happy, he was happy. He is not the type of doctor to load his patients up on as many pharmaceuticals as possible. The less, the better. So he wrote me a prescription, told me if I felt the need to bump up my dosage at all to do it right away and then call him and make an appointment.

Told him I would. And I will, if it comes to that.

Part three: Emotionally

Emotionally I still feel pretty up and down most of the time, but I remember what I say now, and I don't get as intense. When I'm manic, I can recognize that my thinking is irrational and I can think my way around it. Often, just telling WonderWife that I know I'm manic will help me to bring it down a notch.

Anxiety-wise, I am doing great. I've been able to drive without freaking out, and go to the mall. I can walk around downtown for my full lunch break without having a cloud of butterflies try to force their way out of my stomach.

Overall, I'm feeling pretty great. My emotions are easier to understand and less severe. I don't blank out for hours or days at a time. I have more energy and I can do more with my time.

And... I'm anything but a zombie.

As always,
Peace, love, and GO CRAZY!

Unimaginable Pain - A family story

There are some stories that need to be told, even if the story isn't coming from the person the story is centred around. This is one of those stories. I will be using a pseudonymn, as the person whose story this is may want to keep parts of it to himself. This story is about someone in my family, someone very dear to me, who has experienced the unimaginable and yet come out the other end strong and optimistic. This is the story of my Cousin.

*******

Just over a year ago, my Cousin contacted us from his residence at post-secondary. He had wonderful news that just couldn't be shared coldly over text messages, but broadcast to the entire family via video messaging.

My Cousin had just gotten engaged! We were all so happy, knowing that he had been with this girl for many months, and knowing that he was happy. It was announced that they would not be married until they both finished school, and until then they were just promised to one another with love in their eyes and hope in their hearts.

A few months later, another announcement. It came with a visit back home, at a family event. A sad event, but lightened with the news which my Cousin brought. His fiancee was pregnant. Though it had not been planned, it was a welcome announcement to all involved. Everyone was so happy for him and the fiancee, and best wishes were shared across the board.

All was well for many months, the due date being foretold as being December 26th. There were no sounds of dischord, no unpleasant news, all seemed to be well and my Cousin seemed to be happy.

Then, without warning, months later while my Cousin was visiting once more, he kept withdrawn. He barely spoke without prompting and he stuck to the sidelines and the shadows. Approaching him, I asked him how he was, and he brushed it off as "fine". Undeterred, I asked him about the fiancee, thinking, hoping for happy news.

My hopes were crushed, as was his heart, with the announcement that there was trouble in paradise. The girl he had promised his heart to, who carried his child, had broken his heart. And though he had tried everything to mend the scattered remains of their bond, she left him with no communication and no updates as to the wellbeing of her self or their child.

As Christmas loomed ever nearer, he wondered how she was. How the baby was, whether the baby was going to come early (as he did) or late or even on time. He fantasized about the different things he would do with the child as it grew into a toddler, preschooler, preteen. His thoughts were rarely on much else, aside from staying connected with his friends and functioning through the holidays.

Boxing day came and went with nary a word. Texts were sent to the mother, and to her parents, with short clipped replies. Curt "no baby yet" and terse "yes she's fine" was all he heard. Days passed. The new year came to being, a fresh new start. But the burden of not knowing remained.

What could be happening? Why wouldn't she just let him know how she was doing and how the baby was doing? Why wouldn't she even tell him which hospital she would be delivering at? No answer, or short "you'll know when you need to" and nothing more.

I watched as my Cousin pulled further back, away from the family slowly, for they (well meaning as they were) would always bring up the baby. His soul couldn't hold it together for much longer. No one knew how tightly he held onto the pieces of happiness that remained. No one knew the depths of his thoughts and the loss of the memory that wasn't.

Then, on what was our recently-passed grandmother's day of birth, news! The baby was here, healthy and beautiful. A little boy. But still, my Cousin was tossed around by her and her family. Told different wards at the hospital, before finally finding out that she had left the hospital.

What a torrid, painful game she had played on what had remained of his hopes.

Yet he persevered; he perseveres still. Nothing will keep him back, nothing will hold him down and keep him from happiness.

He is strong and optimistic, and he will find a way to be a part of his child's life. The life he helped create, the life he had watched grow ever so briefly in those early months of pregnancy. The life that he had dreamt of for the last ten months.

It may take time, and it may take effort. But every moment of effort will be worth it in the end, and my Cousin knows that deep within his heart.

So he waits.

*******

Thanks for reading.

If you have anyone in your life, or know anyone, who has experienced anything similar, give them a hug and be there for them. Don't bring it up unless they do, and don't pass on your opinion unless asked. It is a hard thing to go through, and even harder when you are forced to bring your thoughts back to the pain time and time again.

Peace, love, and hugs.