Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I Did It! (NaNoWriMo 2012)

I did it. I hit the 50,000 word goal.

I am not finished my story, what's left is mostly details and filling in the blanks that rushing through the word count created.

Not to mention fixing the multiple continuity issues that are throughout the 91 page Microsoft Word document.

But... I win.

Oh what a glorious feeling!

Thanks to everyone who believed in me, and thanks to everyone who didn't. You were all fabulous.

Peace, love, and SUCCESS!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Update! NaNoWriMo, writing, and Christmas!

Five days to go. Five more days to finish the first draft of my novel. The best part of it this year? I'm actually on track. I will win this year, first time, and I am so excited.

I think I will share an excerpt of what I have so far later this week.

Other than that, I will be doing a great deal of editing next month and am planning on starting up with writing articles for The Golden Vanguard and Helium again starting next week.

Also, getting ready for Christmas has begun and we are getting to crunch time. We should be ready by next weekend. Hopefully. Otherwise I think that WonderWife will start a rampage.

Peace, love, and Best Wishes!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Roadtripping into Psychiatry

Today is a milestone of a day for me, and I'm not entirely sure how it's going to go.

I'm also a little afraid. But that might just be my anxiety speaking. Fear of the unknown, the stigmatized, the "different"

Not that I'm afraid of different when it comes to other people, but it's hard for me to grasp about myself sometimes.

So when it became clear to me that my mental illness had been progressively getting worse, and that the level of my exhaustion at... not hiding, but... camouflaging.. the severity of most of my symptoms from the general public. (Mainly due to my preference of not being looked at as the crazy lady downtown, and other weird things... most of which may just be personal hang-ups, I admit.) That meant it was time to maybe try something new (to me).

Which, in my case, involves medication, since I've tried basically every single other thing out there.

Here's what I currently do:

-biweekly therapy to work on my anxiety and interpersonal issues (stemming from the anxiety and personality disorders)
-vitamin D consumption in the colder months where the sun doesn't help me make it anymore
-drinking enough water
-maintaining a fairly consistent sleep schedule
-tracking my mood on the spectrum on a daily basis (thank god for technology!)
-general creative stuff

And some of the things I've tried, or that I do intermittently (AKA when I remember or feel like it):

-eating healthy all the time (it's about 70/30 ratio)
-not drinking coffee (that's just not going to happen)
-taking omega-3 supplements
-taking all sorts of damn supplements
-lots of other random crap that I can't think of right now

It's not that nothing I do works, it's that it doesn't work enough.

And you know what? That's okay! It's not a bad thing, it just is.

So today, I go to the outpatient psychiatry unit of the Queensway Carleton Hospital for an assessment, and then they will figure out what sorts of medication to put me on. Which begins the trial-and-error that goes along with any type of medication for a chronic illness. So bear with me.

Thanks for following my on my journey through my life.

Peace, love, and stay awesome!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Week 3 of NaNoWriMo - status

Heading into week 3 of national novel writing month, and I'm proud to say that o am still on track!

My characters have twisted my story a bit, and probably made it more interesting. Not to mention that they are developing fun traits that I hadn't imagined before November 1st.

I am looking forward to finishing, and this has definitely been my most reassuring, positive, and generally good feeling NaNoWriMo in all three years.

Peace, love, and write on!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

On a downer

Some days are better than others, that much applies to pretty much everyone.

Some days I feel like everything is wrong or off and nothing is the way it should be.

I can't talk to anyone about what I feel, some would say I'm exaggerating, others would fear for me and my sanity, others still would think me melodramatic, or whatever.

It isn't that easy, its not so cut and dry. Triggering mood swings happens, but when it does, the mood goes fucking nuts. No in between, no maybe its only halfway.

All the damn way.

Like now. I am struggling to even go to work in the morning. I force myself to go no matter how much I just want to lay in bed and wait for the day to be over.

I don't want to get dressed and look presentable. I don't want to pretend I give two flying fucks about my boss or her stories. I don't want to smile when I feel dead inside.

But I do. I force myself to. Because no matter how shitty or dead I feel inside, I know that it will pass, eventually. It's just a matter of waiting.

The optimism is fading, it is starting to feel like I will never know what it is to not being the midst of a mood swing. What it feels like to not be stuck between wanting to scream and yell, and wanting to cry, out of sheer irritation and frustration.

When does it stop? When does the even keel show up?

I'm waiting.


Blindly groping for some tiny shred of sanity. Exhausted.

Please, just stop. Please, find the middle. Let me know what sanity feels like, however momentarily. Let me clutch it tightly and remember it so that I have something to remember, to hold onto.

Don't leave me floating aimlessly. It just hurts with no pain.

Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

I am boring

Right now I feel like a very boring person. All of my free time is going towards either working or writing, and I can't (read: won't) share with you what I'm writing right now because it's a horrible mess of a first draft that may or may not all make sense by the end.

It's coming out in chunks that are chronologically out of order, yet I must write that way and hope that I can connect it all together.

Because this story started as one thing and has become another. The other may be more interesting, and it is certainly taking me in different ways, but it was certainly unexpected. The ending I had originally planned (read: thought of) may not actually end up how it all turns out.

But you know what? I'm okay with that. Because nothing is concrete until it's published and bound. So until then, I'm going to keep trucking through this awful novel and hope that some good nuggets of literary wonder come out of it.

If you want to know anything about my novel, click this handy little link.

And, as always,


Thursday, November 8, 2012

My Halloween costume

Here are some little pictures of my awesome costume. Show me yours now!

Peace, love, and Rose Tyler...

Why even try to participate in NaNoWriMo?

Ever since I found out about NaNoWriMo 2 years ago, I have at least attempted to participate. Two years having attempted, and two years of not completing the goal. But am I discouraged? Hell no.

A lot of people wonder why anyone would try to write a novel in 30 days. To them, I say:

Why not?

Why would I tell myself that I can't do something, when I'm already trying to do something extremely difficult (namely: become a published author)?

The point of NaNoWriMo is not to pump out a bestselling novel ready for publishing in 30 days. The entire point is to force yourself to write, to turn off your inner editor and allow yourself to write garbage just to get your messy and fuzzy ideas out of your head and onto paper/word processor.

There can never be a final published draft without first a rough draft. And let me tell you, rough drafts are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS crap. They are disorganized, they are unrefined, they are messy. Stephen King starts each of his novels with a rough draft that sucks, as does J.K. Rowling, as does Michael Chrichton , and every single other published and non-published author out there.

So yeah, your (and my) NaNo novel is going to suck like nothing else. But that's where beauty is made, in taking the beautiful ideas that you have strewn and barfed all over the page, and making them organized, beautiful, and maybe a little bit crazy but at least somewhat logical.

That's the point.

Peace, love, and WRITE ON B*TCHES!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

NaNoWriMo 2012!

I am participating in NaNoWriMo again this year.

For those who are not familiar with the binge writing event of November, more info can be found at 

Basically, it is a challenge to write the first draft of a full sized novel (or at least a 50k word novella) in a month.

This is my third year attempting it. And damnit I'm going to succeed.

To track my progress, follow me on Twitter (@Lovelikewinter3) or stay tuned here. Those of you who have me on facebook will see me there updating regularly as well.

Best wishes!

Peace, love, and dear-god-I-need-to-write!