Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Seemingly Small Struggles Spread and Scorch

I've been having a rough time lately, but really it has been building up for a while.

I love my daughter dearly, my Lil Munchkin is a super smart, super silly, and just plain incredible little girl. But she's got a lot of problems that I'm feeling overwhelmed about. It's like I'm swimming in a huge lake with undertow that just won't let go, and no safety rafts to help me along.

A lot of parents feel like they can't help anymore, and I have joined their ranks. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying, it just means I need to try harder.

My Lil Munch had a rough few years when she was a toddler, and I didn't realize it until it was too late. Guilt over what happened lead me to buy her everything from age 4 until 7 (and a bit more, sometimes...), and lead me to let go of the little things that didn't really seem important.

I let her get away with a little bit of kleptomania, and now it's gotten worse. She got everything and then some, but has no concept of ownership, or value of belongings. Because WonderWife and I tried so hard to make up for what she missed, we overshot by a long shot. We ignored the signs, we pretended it was just a phase.

But it isn't.

My daughter stole my iPod touch from me while getting a hug, and is not giving it back. She seems to have convinced herself that she has forgotten where it is, but this little girl doesn't forget where she put ANYTHING. Literally, it's kind of insane how well she remembers where she puts everything.

It hurts me so badly that she would do this, but I see why she thinks that it's okay. We let her believe, and we showed her, that things had no real value. Items are just items that can be bought, replaced, thrown away, and bought again.

It started with taking little trinkets for WW's hat (where she keeps all of her pocket stuff), a lighter or a stick of lipbalm. Now it has grown to electronics. Why didn't I accept that this could happen? No sense in looking back, hindsight is 20-20.

This is just an example of how a little parenting oopsie can explode.

This is how kids who are given everything end up spoiled with no respect for items or belongings.

This is what happens when you believe that your child is just purely innocent and would never do anything wrong.

Kids do things wrong, that's how they learn. It is up to us as parents to teach them and guide them so that they can improve and do better. Kids can't know better if we never show them. Children are ever-learning sponges who only know what they want and that they want it, it is up to us as parents to teach them self-control, honesty, values, morals, and relationships.

So don't let the littles things slide, make sure that you catch the mistakes when they're small, because they are so much easier to deal with.

Help your child learn what is right while it's a fresh occurence, not a recurring habit. You will never regret it.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Peace and Pacifism

This opinion may not be the norm. You may even be shocked to hear it, but it's my site and I can express my feelings freely. If you think differently from me, that's a wonderful thing to hear. So long as you are thinking your own independant thoughts, not thoughts that were drilled into your head by the masses of societal norm.

Maybe you'll even be offended because it is so contrary to your own personal thoughts and beliefs. You know what, that's okay! I am hoping that if nothing else my opinions cause you to reassess yours to ensure that they are in line with what you feel within yourself is right.

I am a very peaceful person, and I believe that there is always a way to avoid violence. Many people disagree, stating that it is sometimes necessary to defend yourself with force. I don't follow that mindset. I prefer to use non-violent means of communication as much as possible.

Now with this, I will follow it up with a different perspective on life in the world we live. In my personal opinion, wars and battles are almost always (if not always) caused by greed. Greed meaning wanting something that someone else has. Greed meaning wanting more than is your fair share. To those who may study religion in some facet, you will know that Greed is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Regardless of my personal religious and spiritual beliefs, I do believe that the Seven Deadly Sins should be respected.

It may also be known that a large number of wars and battles are 'justified' by using religious bases. Maybe to you it is justified, but to me it's just an excuse to go and hurt others to get what isn't yours. Particularly oxymoronic is the religions who are commanded by their religious tenets to follow and avoid the Seven Deadly Sins, and yet use Greed and Pride and Wrath as their source of power and strength. This does not make sense to me. If you truly believed in God (or whatever he/she may be called) and in Heaven and Hell, then how can you justify hurting other human beings (You shalt not murder, 5th commandment) for the reason of taking what is theirs or on the land they inhabit (Neither shall you desire your neighbor's house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor, 10th commandment).

If you want to follow the 10 commandments, and avoid the Seven Deadly Sins, how can you honestly justify the killing and stealing and coveting that wars, battles, and armies condone? Even if you do not follow these religious tenets, do you still know that lying, murdering, stealing is wrong?

Why not embrace that which makes each person different, and live wholly by what is right by you? If you feel that the world should be yours, can you honestly justify why you should deserve this above all others? No one person deserves more than any other, so love your neighbour, love your family, and embrace strangers as real people.

Then you can acheive the peacefulness and joy of true pacifism.

(This post was reposted from my other blog which is being phased out. Thanks for reading)

Friday, May 25, 2012

Weekly Know-It-All Wrap-Up May 4-25

Maybe weekly is a loose term, but I really do mean to do it weekly! Anywho, without further ado, here's my recent junk that I've written. Enjoy it, and let me know what you think!

On Helium, I wrote a piece of poetry. It's a little dark, but that's how I was feeling at the time. The official (Helium) title is Back & Forth, but my title is Persistent Discord.

I submitted one writing job on iWriter which is for ghost writing, so my name won't be placed on the published copy. The title I gave it was "Are Airmiles still a valuable rewards system?" It was fun to write.

On the Golden Vanguard, I added to my Breaking Barriers series with an article on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder as well as Bipolar Disorder.  The changing style of jeans was also touched on, since we as a society can't make up our minds about what's "IN". Not to mention a short list of a few Awesome Things.

Also on the Golden Vanguard, I wrote a review of my favourite tattoo artist (Marc @ Planet Ink), as well as touching on some reasons that people get tattoos. Needtobreathe's album The Outsiders is a new music list that I recently acquired, and so I felt the need to share my opinion of this incredible band.

All in all, a pretty busy few weeks combined with all the stuff that I've been dealing with at home. I'm also going to put a more concerted effort into writing my novel (at least one of them), and I'd really like to see how that works out.

Lately I've also been doing a lot more painting and sketching to try to express my feelings that don't have words. It has been very helpful, and I will continue to do this for myself at the very least.

Thanks for reading, and if you have any comments, please share below!

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Turns out that 2012 will be the year for big changes in my life and the life of my immediate family!

I recently found out that my job would not be extended as of September 21st. So as of then, I will no longer be working for Corporate Canada. What a relief it is, to be honest. I'm sure that a few people in my life will be upset that I'm "giving up an awesome job and chance at a secure future" but honestly, I'm tired of the bureaucratic bullsh*t.

This will give me a chance to follow my dream of being a writer, actually set myself out there and maybe even get published in print. As a novelist, or an opinionist, maybe both. Being able to relax and spend time focusing on myself and what I want to do will be a nice change.

The only issue comes from the inherent lack of immediate revenue that comes from starting to be self-employed. There will be a huge loss of income, which I'm hoping to start boosting starting now. Thankfully I have a few months to get myself on track so that at the very least the bills and necessities will be covered as of October.

Number one thing we (me and WonderWife) are working on is building up a huge emergency fund. That way, if the income isn't up where we need it we have some money to fall back on. This is (surprisingly) turning out to be more challenging than I thought it would be, but I'm also waiting on some insurance refunds to come in. Once those go into the account, it should definitely help.

Another big change that I'm going through is painting. I am actually putting paintbrush to canvas and doing some art. I may consider selling some of it, if I think there's any interest, but for now it's mostly therapeutic. Deciding (thanks to WW and my therapist) that the final product doesn't have to be perfect, and to put the effort into the process, has set me free of a few personally imposed limits and allowed me to just try. (photo of one painting to come, when I'm at my home computer)

I would really like to get my own domain name at some point to expand on this site, but for now it is far too much complication for the limited access to the internet that I get, so it is put on the backburner for now.

How do you cope with huge changes in your life? Have you ever experienced job loss, if so, what did you do with the opportunity?

Monday, May 7, 2012

Weekly Know-It-All Wrap-Up April 22-May 4

Yeah, so the 22nd of April to the 4th of May is more than a week. Sue me. You know you'll read it anyways, so just check out the links and let me know what you think.

On the Helium front, I decided that I enjoy writing some creative stuff. There was a contest running for flash fiction stories about "The Sea" with a variety of titles. I have written 2 so far, maybe I'll do 2 more by the end of this week. The first is The Shack By The Beach, and the second is Alone On The Sea

Also, the awesomely amazing web news site that I write for got some more goods from me. Since May is Mental Health Awareness month, and May 27th is the day that has their Defeat Depression Day across Canada, it's mostly about mental health. Actually, it's entirely about mental health.

The first step to knowledge about mental health is overcoming the stigma of it. Next, I started a series on the various types of mental health issues called Breaking Barriers. I started with Depression, since it is the 2nd most common mental illness in the world. Then  onwards to something less common, but way more demonized, Personality Disorders.

Not to mention my diatribes that take place on this very website. Some of which make sense, others are just emotional rantings that make me feel better.

There will be more coming in the next few weeks, so stay tuned! If you'd like to ask me a question, or delve into my fairly well rounded information well, send me a message or post a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Swinging Downwards Into... Who Knows

My brain has been stuck on go for the past 2 weeks. I have been doing a fair bit of writing for The Golden Vanguard, and some creative writing on Helium. Not much here, apologies.

I have my next psych appointment tomorrow, and my mood just crashed about an hour ago. I guess I should have seen it coming, since it had been perched precariously the past 2-3 days, and it had been over 2 weeks that I'd been running on mania.

Oh the joys of bipolar disorder. I am currently avoiding medication for reasons of fear of side effects and dependence. However, I am starting to lean towards considering them, because I am just completely unreliable for anything that involves the slightest bit of responsibility.

My daughter deserves someone more stable. My wife deserves someone more stable. My family is probably used to be, but they'd probably appreciate some reliability coming from me. Maybe it's just the swing talking, but I'm feeling pretty shitty in general right now.

Oddly enough, I believe this is one of the few times that I've noticed a trigger to the downwards swing. Right before I (virtually) crashed, I felt an unusual amount of anxiety and needed to fidget. There were no triggers, no immediate or obvious causes to my anxiety. Yet there it was, nagging at me.

I wonder if it's always like that, or just this time? I wonder if this swing will last two hours, two days, two weeks? I wonder if I will tune out of everything around me, or just mope around? I wonder if my daughter will feel ignored because I have no will to acheive or even reach.

I just wonder where I'm going this time.

Editor's note: Thankfully this spell only lasted 5 hours. It is extremely frustrating to experienced illogical mood changes that quickly. It's also very frustrating to have people that you think you can rely on try to tell you that it's all in your head.

If it was all in my head, I would be able to control it. I would be able to focus it, or not worry about stupid little things. I would be able to relax even if my closet isn't organized *properly* and I would be able to pull a real smile out of my ass when I'm sad as shit.

Sorry for the language, but it's officially Mental Health Awareness Month, and compassion is something that is absolutely essential for anyone who suffers from any type of mental illness. It is a real affliction that affects between 20-35% of the WORLD's population. Thanks for reading.